PRODUCT REVIEW: DASANI WATER

by Dr. Zoltan

"A Product of the Coca-Cola Company" is sure to have some sort of subversion embedded in it. Let us take a look at Dasani Water.

Upon rotating the plastic bottle of Dasani to your right, you will see the following panel, which reads: "Non-Carbonated. Crisp, Fresh Taste. Dasani is filtered through a state-of-the-art purification system and enhanced with minerals for a pure, fresh taste that can't be beat. [punctuation added by Dr. Zoltan for cosmetic typographical purposes.] The phrase, "Enhanced With Minerals," will subconsciously lead the consumer to believe that there are extra nutrients added. You know, like Vitamins & Minerals!

Yet as the consumer rotates the bottle even further to its right, it discovers that the contents are thus: Purified Water (of course), and three other "minerals" called Magnesium Sulfate (Epsom Salt), Potassium Chloride (a Salt Substitute), and plain old SALT. Added for taste!

Fortunately, consumers these days enjoy the taste of Salt Water! This technique is known in product design as an Endless Loop Consumption Array -- which causes a problem... and then SOLVES the problem... all in one product. In this case, the consumer gets thirsty, drinks the Salt Water, and is required to continue to drink more Salt Water to wash the taste of the Salt out of its mouth.

Consumers are offered Information through the number 800-788-5047, as provided on every bottle of Dasani Salt Water.

-Dr. Zoltan!