RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS ARE AN OLD, WORN-OUT JOKE

by Dr. Zoltan

I discovered the following joke on the homepage of Comedy Central's website today:

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

As far as I know, that joke wasn't even funny the first time, but let's revisit it.

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

Still not funny. Let's try again.

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

Hmm.

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

Something is wrong here. The more I read it, he less funny the joke gets. As if that were even possible, since it is such an awful joke in the first place. It's not really serving the purpose of this essay. We'll try a different one.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

OK, that one was a bit humorous because in your mind, you have to re-examine the first sentence. It is not about two men entering a building, it is about two men banging their heads on a low-hanging, perhaps horizontal piece of metal. Since we enjoyed that one, let's read it again.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

And again.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

Again.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

The joke becomes too predictable and loses its effect. If comedians did this, they would be boo'ed off stage.

Yet the Red Hot Chili Peppers have been doing this for 24 years and only seem to get more and more popular.

Anthony Keidis is a terrible lyric writer. His lyrics are meaningless. As a whole the songs are not about anything, and consist of pairs of sentences that rhyme.

Example 1:
Compare us to a ferris WHEEL
Just be sure of what you want to STEAL

Example 2:
My disenchanted DIPLOMAT
Asleep inside the LAUNDROMAT

Example 3:
Hop along to the cowboy BEAT
When I feel your fire jump up to MEET

From these examples we can write ALL NEW Anthony Keidis lyrics with little effort:

Walking down the street and I saw blue DOG
And in my throat there was psychedelic FROG

I said hey mister do you WANNA
So we stripped down and got into a SAUNA

Some say life is big BANANA
Let's all move to LOUISIANA

I put on my big old pink SUNGLASSES
Eat a big bowl of Tom's MOLASSES

As we can see, it doesn't matter at all, as long as the last word of each pair of sentences rhyme. There is no context, no message, no continuity.

And what about their music?
There is not much to say about it. It is the same funk rock over and over. The same instrumentation. The same beat. Nothing changes. EVER.

Copy paste. Copy paste. Copy paste.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

-Dr. Zoltan!